We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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