What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
