watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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