i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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