I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
