i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
