I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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