ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
