i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
