dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
