I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
