My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
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