Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Randomize
