I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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