Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
