Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
