His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
