I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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