We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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