Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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