I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
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Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
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this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
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