Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
