We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Drake has all the answers
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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