We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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