everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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