Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
