Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
