a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize