So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
