The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
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