i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
