my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
