you guys were way drunker than both of me
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
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Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman