I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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