Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.