"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
39 Memes Anyone Who Cries When They See Their Bank Account Will Relate To
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.