You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter