you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS