shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.