Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?