So drunk its hurt
People with herpes should wear stickers.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.