My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
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The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
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he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.