So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
