At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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