but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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