My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
