why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
