Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
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