Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
