I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
i barfeds in our rink
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
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You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
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