oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Randomize
