Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
