chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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