Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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