In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I just saw a hot homeless man
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
