i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
