Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Randomize
