You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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