I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Randomize
