It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
