Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
