If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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