the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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