Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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