Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
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Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
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I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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