You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
