Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
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