So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
