Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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