I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
