You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
It's no shave November. This is our time.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize